Fawning Is a Survival Strategy
- posted: Sep. 10, 2024
Dear Ones,
Why would anybody try to please or go along with someone that is hurting them? This is not a conscious decision and rather a trauma response within the Polyvagal Theory. This is a defensive state that is called upon in times of severe duress. These appeasement behaviors come from unique autonomic states and part of our body’s mission-driven desire to keep us alive. Unfortunately, the Fawn state often comes with some shame, as it seems that this lack of being able to "fight" in the physical sense is judged and internalized by ourselves as a sign of "weakness".
It is unique as it a combination of Dorsal Vagal (essentially the brake) and the Sympathetic (gas pedal). This also involves an activated Social Engagement System (Ventral Vagal). This allows the us to give off signals of safety and co-regulation to the assailant, and being on “the same side”. This might be the difference between life and death as maybe the aggressor has a weapon, is physically bigger, is blocking our escape etcetera.
This behavioral adaptation (known neural pathway ) sometimes starts early on in life, creating a sense of safety in the diminishing of self. I celebrate anyone that has used this to survive, either through the experience of a Big T trauma or a little t trauma, as there is no quantifying a life threatening or scary experience. The getting to the other side of these life altering experience is the thriving, to feel the joy in the adaptability and strength of the human body and spirit.
Turn gently towards that part of you that survived, practice sending love and gratitude for it's bravery and resilience.
Healing is possible in the practice of self compassion, and the start of building new neural pathways of safety, self-agency and thriving, can be nurtured, and strengthened. Love the survivor, now it is time to be more and Thrive.
Yours in Healing,
Caroldean Jude
Somatic Trauma Therapist
Transforming Touch® Practitioner
Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner
Internal Family Systems® Practitioner
- posted: Sep. 10, 2024
Dear Ones,
Why would anybody try to please or go along with someone that is hurting them? This is not a conscious decision and rather a trauma response within the Polyvagal Theory. This is a defensive state that is called upon in times of severe duress. These appeasement behaviors come from unique autonomic states and part of our body’s mission-driven desire to keep us alive. Unfortunately, the Fawn state often comes with some shame, as it seems that this lack of being able to "fight" in the physical sense is judged and internalized by ourselves as a sign of "weakness".
It is unique as it a combination of Dorsal Vagal (essentially the brake) and the Sympathetic (gas pedal). This also involves an activated Social Engagement System (Ventral Vagal). This allows the us to give off signals of safety and co-regulation to the assailant, and being on “the same side”. This might be the difference between life and death as maybe the aggressor has a weapon, is physically bigger, is blocking our escape etcetera.
This behavioral adaptation (known neural pathway ) sometimes starts early on in life, creating a sense of safety in the diminishing of self. I celebrate anyone that has used this to survive, either through the experience of a Big T trauma or a little t trauma, as there is no quantifying a life threatening or scary experience. The getting to the other side of these life altering experience is the thriving, to feel the joy in the adaptability and strength of the human body and spirit.
Turn gently towards that part of you that survived, practice sending love and gratitude for it's bravery and resilience.
Healing is possible in the practice of self compassion, and the start of building new neural pathways of safety, self-agency and thriving, can be nurtured, and strengthened. Love the survivor, now it is time to be more and Thrive.
Yours in Healing,
Caroldean Jude
Somatic Trauma Therapist
Transforming Touch® Practitioner
Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner
Internal Family Systems® Practitioner
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