Author: bluebutterfly

Dear Ones,

Allowing is the internal practice of accepting things as they are/were as a gift to ourselves.  To choose to end the struggle of self rejection, self shaming or numbing of self, to the past.  It takes energy to bury wounds in the basement of our soma labeled “trauma”, which ends up in costing our health and feelings of well being. Allowing is the practice of gentle acceptance of what has happened, how it has affected us, and beginning the process of healing. 

In experiencing early attachment wounds, oftentimes the idea of having a choice is not even in the realm of possibility.  Not having the lived experience of emotional/physical choice, often creates the foundation of being in “survival self” in our nervous systems.  In trying to seek safety as a small humans, we create behaviors, altering our essence and hiding our souls. This results in the foundation of early experiences of the world as one of less threat or more threat, and no sense of safety.


As we get older the suppression of true self, living in survival self leaves us distrusting of ourselves/others and feeling disconnected.  There is that subtle allure of “if I adapt to my surroundings, I will not be rejected, I will be safe”, but what if we gave ourselves the freedom of not needing to suppress, alter or change who we are.  These early nervous system adaptations and behaviors, get in the way of living to our true potential and finding our joy and authenticity.


I invite you to allow for the possibility of choice, and not grasp onto the surrender energy of “I have always been this way, I can’t change”. Allowing the gentle acceptance of past experiences, to free up your right to choose to be more. To begin healing, by shedding the survival self, and choosing life not tainted by past trauma. Reach for it, it has been there lovingly waiting for you. 

With warm appreciation,

Caroldean Jude

Somatic Trauma Therapist

Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Transforming Touch Practitioner

Internal Family Systems Therapist

Dear Ones,

In my past life, I would have either poo-pooed resting or told myself I was resting, but relentlessly planning and/or trying to figure out what things about my life I needed to fix. This pattern is a mix of social conditioning and my upbringing. “No rest for the “wicked”, “Buck up and soldier on”, “Bite the bullet.” Just to name a few and I know you have all heard one or all of these.

I have asked myself the question “why is being busy, a way of living that we are encouraged to practice ?“ and “where did this start?”  Why indeed are we all caught up in looking busy, being busy and if you are not busy you are judged as being not driven enough, aimless and probably lazy.  I belief that we were not put on this planet to achieve more, life has to have balance and that means achieving is not more important than resting.  To be “more” in life requires both.

Resting is necessary for emotional and physical health – period. The body needs downtime to rejuvenate energy stores, make the necessary repairs and to bolster the immune system. We Humans are not machines and need to acknowledge the essentialness of self care to a well rounded healthy life.

I invite you to nurture yourself with the gift of rest. Not planning, not scrolling on the phone, just practicing holding space for all of you with gentle compassion. You are worth it. And yes, I now regularly practice the “Art of Rest” and savor it.

Resting Practices:

Walking in nature.  Meditation. Yoga.  Letting your senses drink in your surroundings.  Breathe slowly.  Read.  Allow thoughts to float away.  Do nothing and love it (what a concept!).  Check in on your internal organs and send them love.  

Cultivating compassion for you while you are resting. 

Happy Resting!

With warm appreciation,

Caroldean Jude,

Somatic Trauma Therapist

Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Transforming Touch Practitioner

Internal Family Systems Therapist

Dear ones,

I have just completed my certification in Transforming the Experienced-Based Brain® (TEB) modality to become a Transforming Touch® Practitioner, and I am excited to share this gentle healing experience on a bigger scale.

What is Transforming the Experienced-Based Brain?

TEB is a Regulation Based Modality.  The modality is based on the theory that when we experience ruptures during our development years, the continue to disrupt our lives at any age.  This disruption can be seen as behavioral challenges, psychological challenges, spiritual challenges, and physical challenges.   As a Transforming Touch® Practitioner it is my passion to create a safe place for you to experience healing through a lens of safety, presence, and regulation.  I know that your body already knows how to heal itself if it is allowed more safety and less survival energy.

As a TT Practitioner, I see you as whole and complete from the moment you enter my Healing Space/Office.  I do not rely on pathology to label my clients.  I lean into the ideal that your body is capable of creating new neural pathways in your brain that allow for less stress/anxiety and more ability to learn, relate, and heal.

I will be meeting with group members individually by telephone for a 30-minute discussion/goal setting prior to group start, that is included in the six-session fee of $210.  I will be available in between for individual sessions as well as a quick check in. 

It is my hope in this offering, that I will be able to share the possibility of greater regulation, presence, and vitality for life for all group members. Healing is possible and you deserve to claim back your life from past experiences/trauma that may be keeping you stuck.

Spaces are limited and I hope to see you there!  For more information please contact me at 250-215-0080 or caroldean@bluebutterflyhealing.ca

With warm appreciation,

Caroldean Jude,

Somatic Trauma Therapist

Transforming Touch® Practitioner

Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner

Internal Family Systems Therapist

Dear Ones,

Happy April everyone!   My workshop “The Art of Healing” (combining Trauma-Informed yoga and Transforming Touch) was a success and I will be offering another series in the fall. 

I have moved office spaces this week and will now be at 11-1638 Pandosy Street, in Kelowna.  This space is welcoming, warm, and decorated in my favorite muted blue colour(s).    I also will be able to  bring my little Yorkipoo (Lily) to my sessions, and I am sure her gentleness will bring extra healing to our time there.

It is my goal to be offer in the late summer to early fall, group healing sessions over Zoom utilizing Transforming Touch modality to support nervous system regulation and healing.  They will be 50 minutes long, and there will be a drop-in option as well as purchase of several sessions at a discount available.  Please email me to let me know if you want to be included in either offering.

The Felt Sense – What is it?  

To experience and have awareness of the body from the inside. In general, society has valued thinking instead of being embodied and assumed that the brain was solely in charge of the body.  Scientifically speaking that is not always true with 80% of the information that we receive about our environment, whether we are safe and who is safe comes from the gut up to the brain.

Qualities of Felt Sense

• Feeling/Sensation
• Pressure – even, uneven, supportive feeling, crushed feeling, cutting off circulation.
• Air current – gentle, cool, warm, from right, from left, stimulating, rush, like a feather, like mist.
• Tension – solid, dense, warm, cold, inflamed, protective, constricting, angry, sad.
• Pain – ache, sharp, twinge, slight, stabbing.
• Tingling – pricks, vibration, tickling, numb.
• Itch – mild itch, angry itch, irritating itch, moving itch, subtle itch, small itch, large area of itching.
•  Temperature – warm, hot, burning, cool, cold, clammy, chills, icy, frozen, like:  hearth, even, fire, sunshine, baked bread, snow, stone, shade.
• Size – small, large, tiny.
• Shape – flat, circle, blob, like a mountain.
• Weight – density, light, heavy.
• Motion – circular, erratic, straight line.
• Speed – fast, slow, loping, still.
• Texture – rough, wood, stone, sandpaper, smooth, silky.
• Element – fire, air, earth, water, wood.
• Colour – gray, blue, orange etcetera.
• Mood/Emotion – sinking, pulling in, open, closed, uplifting, sunny day, dark cloud, roiling, volcano.
• Sound – buzzing, singing, humming, ringing.
• Taste – sour, bitter, sweet, tart.
• Smell – pungent, sweet, like rain, like leaves, like summer.

Think of the above as descriptors that may help you discern what your bodily experience is like.  The practice is in (small amounts) bringing awareness to sensations, feelings, and allow them to be witnessed/felt.  Creating curiosity/space for what has been previously pushed away, is the path towards healing and a deeper sense of compassion for you and all that you have been through.  Remind yourself often – that you are here, you are alive, and you survived.

With deep appreciation,

Caroldean Jude

Somatic Trauma Therapist

Transforming Touch Practitioner

Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Internal Family Systems Practitioner

developmentaltrauma,  traumahealing,  nervoussystemregulation,  transformingtouchtherapy,  #somaticexperiencing,  somatictraumatherapy,  internalfamilysystemstherapy,  cptsdtherapy,  developmentaltraumatherapy,  developmentaltraumasupport,  chronicfatigue,  chronicpain,  anxietyhelp,  depressionhelp,  ptsd,  mentalhealth,  womantherapist,  womensupportingwomen,  selfagency

Dear Ones,

Of the many faces and roles that you were and play in your life – who is the real you? Different versions in life like the work you, you that is a friend, the mom and/or the partner you, all sometimes are needed, and who are you really? Your wants, needs, likes, and dislikes, favourite things and places, traumas, desires, greatest joys, values in life, are important parts of you and not all of you.

When I was going through my divorce, my therapist at the time asked me; “what do you want?”, what are your needs, “who are you at your core?”, and I had no answers. I had been living life from a place where I came last, after the children, after the husband, and what I wanted or needed was not in realm of important.  It took some time to shed the layers and roles that I expected of myself as a mother and a wife, to uncover the person underneath. Then there came the awareness of the trauma of my childhood, that I had deeply stored away in the tissues of my body, waiting for me to have the courage to heal.  Needless to say, it has been an amazing journey of self, a coming home, acceptance, and gratitude for it all, because it has led me to my life’s work as a somatic trauma therapist.

Developmental trauma has many versions that are all painful, and as small people to survive.  you alter and suppress your essence, your joy, your wants, needs, your very authenticity.  These survival versions of you oftentimes are carried on through into adulthood and are assumed to be you, without question.  Some of these versions (that are not you) are burdens that have been taken up by you and are not yours to carry. 

Some of the physical/mental health costs are anxiety disorders, OCD, depression, digestion disorders, chronic fatigue, chronic physical pain, addictions, and sometimes autoimmune disorders.  All of the above can be manifestations and the cost of an overburdened nervous system,

I invite you to gently turn towards the parts of you that you have rejected, put on fresh loving lenses, and practice curiosity and compassion for your wounded bits.  When you can start to make space for younger versions of you, there is often a shift, an evolving understanding, deepening self-awareness, culminating to a place to where healing can grow.

Gift yourself the love, acceptance you did not receive as a child, and start to nurture and cultivate your resilience.  Come back home to you and live life authentically from a place of self-agency, as the world needs your authenticity, your open heart, and your resilience.  It is time to be more.

With warm appreciation,

Caroldean Jude,

Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Somatic Trauma Therapist

Internal Family Systems Therapist

Dear Friends,

I saw Gabor Mate a few days ago and he was giving a talk on his book “the Myth of Normal”, discussing how the society that we live in, is contributing to the underlying trauma in the underlying lack of importance of providing children with the nurturing that is needed to support healthy upbringing.  

Parenting , undoubtedly the most important job there is, as it the raising of humans of our future society and humanity as a whole.  When caregivers themselves have had mis-attuned parents, the essential foundation of receiving, giving love, creating safety and stability are not there.  When I say safety, I am not referring the safety of home and finances, I am referring to the felt knowledge that children need to feel loved and nurtured for who they are, not what they they achieve, how cute they are, not feeling like failures for not meeting parental expectations for them to be different.  If your caregivers did not receive this stability in their own upbringing, they may lack the skills and/or the awareness that they can chose to raise their children differently.

If you did not receive this foundation of unconditional love, nurturing and support, you might find that you are an overachiever, people pleaser, feel that you give up your power in relationships, feeling that there is no other option.  These are a few signs that you may be living with the effects of developmental trauma.  This is not a life sentence, and you do have options to chose to show up for you, to chose to be curious and to re-parent and care for your younger wounded parts that are stuck in the past.  

Through somatic awareness, supporting nervous system regulation, and practicing self-compassion for your wounded little parts, healing can begin.  Choose you, choose to heal and empower yourself to live in your authentic self, freeing your parts and your essence to be more.  The time is now.

With warm appreciation,

Caroldean Jude,

Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Somatic Trauma Therapist

Internal Family Systems Therapist

Dear Friends,

Choice seems so easy for some, but as a small child if choice was not given or taken away what then? If you grew up in the environment of having your big feelings being dismissed, physical wounds downplayed, your body not yours, your achievements not yours, no choice in food, clothing or activities. If you experienced all or one of these, the underlying message is that your choices do not matter, you do not matter. As a small child with black and white thinking, you internalize these messages into your body, mind and spirit.

This is not a life sentence though, and it takes a questioning and an understanding of where powerlessness in life started. To start the practice of reawakening the innate ability to choose. To choose differently for yourself, to reach out for a life where you are in the fullest expression of self.

We all have the right to choose, invite curiosity as to why you might at times, not make choices that serve who you really are. Developmental trauma does not have to be a life sentence, your words matter, you matter. Reawaken and exercise your choices they matter, and always have.

With the warmest appreciation,

Caroldean Jude,

Somatic Experiencing Therapy

Somatic Resilience & Regulation

Somatic Touch Skills Therapy

Internal Family Systems Therapy

developmentaltrauma,  somatichealing,  somaticexperiencingkelowna,  somaticexperiencingtherapy,  somaticexperiencing,  childhoodtrauma,  thebodykeepsthescore,  nervoussystemregulation,  transformingtouchtherapy,  griefsupport

Dear Friends,

I have recently seen people in my practice that are struggling with grief, and they have shared that getting the support/ understanding from close friends and loved ones, can be challenging. Part of the problem is in our “modern society” is we have not integrated grief as part of our culture. That somehow grief is something that should not be lingered upon, and better still shoved away into a crawl space, never to be looked at again.

Grief has no timeline and has many faces. Grief can be big as in a loved one passing away suddenly or after a long illness. There can be sadness in leaving an old job for a new one you wanted, and being surprised that you are grieving elements of the old job. There is grief in a relationship ending, and even though it no longer served you, there is sadness for a future that you thought you would have together.

In the bigger experiences of grief (this is subjective and not to be quantified/judged), the body may be thrown into shock, numbness and feeling frozen. This is the result of the sympathetic part (fight/flight) flooding the body with cortisol/adrenaline and the brake slams on (dorsal vagal branch of parasympathetic) and shuts the body down. This is the “deer in headlights” freeze. and is not a conscious choice. This is part of your body’s innate survival strategy coming to save the body system from overwhelm.

The problem comes when self judgment or others around you, judge this response. “You should be crying right now” or “you should just go back to work”, or “you need to move on and get over it”. All of which may be well meaning, with in the intention of “fixing” you, however, adds to the pain by placing guilt for the difficulties of being in the freeze response. However, you can choose to be your own advocate here and allow space for your healing, befriending the sensations and thoughts associated with your grief, recognizing that this a process to be honored and not shunned.

Practices to help you and your nervous system:

• 4-7-8 breathe – blow out first, inhale to count of 4, pause for count of 7, and exhale like you are blowing through a straw for count of 8. Adjust to your comfort, with a focus of longer exhale than inhale.
• Moist heat on the kidney/adrenals, to support the signal to the adrenals that all is well.
• Self hug – place right hand on shoulder, left hand to your armpit, left ear to right hand (or visa versa).
• Regular sleep schedule.
• A vagal nerve exercise where you tilt right ear to right shoulder, head in line with torso and face forward, look down with just the eyes to right shoulder, pause, then look up to the ceiling without moving the head, move head back to center and repeat on the other side. Play with time frame try 10 seconds with each eye movement and rest in center and see what works best for you.

Allowing yourself to be as you are, letting the grief be how it is showing up in your body, mind and spirit, will help the thaw. Befriending grief, practicing self compassion and self care will help you in the process of healing. Acknowledging that there might not be a “getting over it”, that integrating loss is not throwing it away, it is a process of softening around it, that will offer some ease. Grief has no timeline, nor should it.

If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me.

With warm appreciation,

Caroldean Jude,

Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Somatic Trauma Therapist

Internal Family Systems Informed

250-215-0080

We are wired for survival and living through trauma can show up in different ways in the body, such as fight, flight or freeze. We do not consciously decide which of these nervous system expressions show up. Freeze carries with it a lot of shame, blame and doubt. Why didn’t I run, or fight back, why did my legs turn to lead? 

This is an involuntary immobilization which leads to inhibition of breathing, slowing of heart rate and basically looking like you are dead. These are all components of a defence system that evolved in ancient vertebrates, that is still embedded within human nervous systems. Predators would rather feast on fresh meat than a corpse that is full of bacteria.

As a little person you could not fight or flee danger, so your body chose to freeze to survive. As an adult now you can choose to re-pattern this automatic response. Empower your voice and nervous system to heal and regain your vitality. Your life is yours, your words matter, thaw and live the life YOU are meant to have.

#polyvagaltheory #steveporges #comeoutoffreeze #somaticexperiencing #somaticexperincingkelowna #peterlevine #somatichealing #developmentaltrauma #cptsdhealing #internalfamilysystemstherapy #internalfamilysystemskelowna #empoweryourvoice #youarenotyourtrauma #nervousystemhealing #nuturingresilience #nervoussystemregulation #traumahealing #traumaawareness

Dear Friends,

I am seeing this lately in a few social media posts that resilience is being seen as being “touch” or a proof of “strength.”  This a falsehood as resilience is the inner capacity to weather storms, not fight against them.

Dr. Peter Levine (developer of Somatic Experiencing) once said:  “I do not work with trauma, I work with resilience.”  As a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, I continue his work through helping people to uncover, expand their resilience, and begin to regulate their nervous systems.

Everyone’s capacity for resilience is built (in part) from birth, with the aide of a loving caregiver.  From 0 – 6 months nervous system regulation is being provided by a caregiver as your NS has not matured yet.  If loving care is not received, the framework of resilience can possibly have a wobbly base.  So adversities that happen in life might feel in your body as “bigger”, like putting rocks on top of a table with loose legs.  These base however, can be repaired, building capacity to be with the pain instead of the pattern of “buck up and soldier on” and/or “I’m fine.”  

You are more resilient than you think, as proved with your survival from  whatever trauma storm you have faced. Your resilience just needs to be rediscovered and nurtured, possibly for the first time.   You have the innate ability to heal your mind, body and spirit from trauma, and live with rediscovered vitality.  Of this I am sure.

Please contact me for a free 20 minute consultation to see how Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems can help you in rebuilding your resilience.

With gentle warmness,

Caroldean Jude, 

Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Internal Family Systems Practitioner

Trauma Informed Yoga Teacher