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Dear Ones,
Of the many faces and roles that you were and play in your life – who is the real you? Different versions in life like the work you, you that is a friend, the mom and/or the partner you, all sometimes are needed, and who are you really? Your wants, needs, likes, and dislikes, favourite things and places, traumas, desires, greatest joys, values in life, are important parts of you and not all of you.
When I was going through my divorce, my therapist at the time asked me; “what do you want?”, what are your needs, “who are you at your core?”, and I had no answers. I had been living life from a place where I came last, after the children, after the husband, and what I wanted or needed was not in realm of important. It took some time to shed the layers and roles that I expected of myself as a mother and a wife, to uncover the person underneath. Then there came the awareness of the trauma of my childhood, that I had deeply stored away in the tissues of my body, waiting for me to have the courage to heal. Needless to say, it has been an amazing journey of self, a coming home, acceptance, and gratitude for it all, because it has led me to my life’s work as a somatic trauma therapist.
Developmental trauma has many versions that are all painful, and as small people to survive. you alter and suppress your essence, your joy, your wants, needs, your very authenticity. These survival versions of you oftentimes are carried on through into adulthood and are assumed to be you, without question. Some of these versions (that are not you) are burdens that have been taken up by you and are not yours to carry.
Some of the physical/mental health costs are anxiety disorders, OCD, depression, digestion disorders, chronic fatigue, chronic physical pain, addictions, and sometimes autoimmune disorders. All of the above can be manifestations and the cost of an overburdened nervous system,
I invite you to gently turn towards the parts of you that you have rejected, put on fresh loving lenses, and practice curiosity and compassion for your wounded bits. When you can start to make space for younger versions of you, there is often a shift, an evolving understanding, deepening self-awareness, culminating to a place to where healing can grow.
Gift yourself the love, acceptance you did not receive as a child, and start to nurture and cultivate your resilience. Come back home to you and live life authentically from a place of self-agency, as the world needs your authenticity, your open heart, and your resilience. It is time to be more.
With warm appreciation,
Caroldean Jude,
Somatic Experiencing Practitioner
Somatic Trauma Therapist
Internal Family Systems Therapist